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Been on a picnic lately?

For me, a picnic is any eating enjoyed outside, except on a deck or patio, because that’s not really being out in nature.

For example, sitting on a rock at the top of the Gatineau Hills while out on a hike is a great place for a bowl of chick pea and tomato salad, a bottle of water and an apple for dessert. Or a bag of cherries and a chunk of cheese shared while resting in the shade on a bench overlooking the beach in Leamington also makes for a fine mini picnic. My favourite when I lived in Cobourg was a steak barbecue picnic at the marina, complete with arugula salad with sundried tomatoes and asiago cheese drizzled in olive oil and balsamic vinegar. A bottle of wine smartly disguised in a thermos added a sense of adventure to the outing.

I was reading up on the history of picnics the other day and found some interesting stuff at www.foodtimeline.org, the place for everything you ever wanted to know about the origins of food.

If you ever thought of preparing a picnic lunch for a family reunion but gave up the idea because it would be just too much work, keep reading. You’ll be thankful it’s 2009. Check out the excerpt below, found on Page 391 of The Book of Household Management by Isabella Beeton, first published in a bound edition in 1861:

BILL OF FARE FOR A PICNIC FOR 40 PERSONS.

A joint of cold roast beef, a joint of cold boiled beef, 2 ribs of lamb, 2 shoulders of lamb, 4 roast fowls, 2 roast ducks, 1 ham, 1 tongue, 2 veal-and-ham pies, 2 pigeon pies, 6 medium-sized lobsters, 1 piece of collared calf’s head, 18 lettuces, 6 baskets of salad, 6 cucumbers.

Stewed fruit well sweetened, and put into glass bottles well corked; 3 or 4 dozen plain pastry biscuits to eat with the stewed fruit, 2 dozen fruit turnovers, 4 dozen cheesecakes, 2 cold cabinet puddings in moulds, 2 blancmanges in moulds, a few jam puffs, 1 large cold plum-pudding (this must be good), a few baskets of fresh fruit, 3 dozen plain biscuits, a piece of cheese, 6 lbs. of butter (this, of course, includes the butter for tea), 4 quarter loaves of household bread, 3 dozen rolls, 6 loaves of tin bread (for tea), 2 plain plum cakes, 2 pound cakes, 2 sponge cakes, a tin of mixed biscuits, 1/2 lb, of tea. Coffee is not suitable for a picnic, being difficult to make.

Things not to be forgotten at a Picnic.

A stick of horseradish, a bottle of mint-sauce well corked, a bottle of salad dressing, a bottle of vinegar, made mustard, pepper, salt, good oil, and pounded sugar. If it can be managed, take a little ice. It is scarcely necessary to say that plates, tumblers, wine-glasses, knives, forks, and spoons, must not be forgotten; as also teacups and saucers, 3 or 4 teapots, some lump sugar, and milk, if this last-named article cannot be obtained in the neighbourhood. Take 3 corkscrews.

Beverages: 3 dozen quart bottles of ale, packed in hampers; ginger-beer, soda-water, and lemonade, of each 2 dozen bottles; 6 bottles of sherry, 6 bottles of claret, champagne a discretion, and any other light wine that may be preferred, and 2 bottles of brandy. Water can usually be obtained so it is useless to to take it.

That last part about all the recommended booze really puts my lone litre of wine to shame!  You can read more of Mrs. Beeton’s tips and secrets for household management online, where the entire book can be found.

Of course, the one drawback about picnics is that they are held in the great outdoors. And that means you are at the mercy of the weather and all creatures great and small. Especially small. Like ants and flies. And bees and hornets.

How to keep them away? As many have suggested, the only surefire cure is to move your feast inside or to a screened enclosure, which means your picnic is no longer a picnic if you follow my rules. If you want to stay outside, you can always try what a poster on Poor Richard’s Almanac jokingly suggests might be the thing to keep the flies away: toss fresh roadkill or piece of raw meat a good way from your picnic area!

That’s not a bad idea, but I think that driving around looking for roadkill will eat up too much of the time better spent relaxing at your picnic. And tossing away fresh raw meat is an extravagance most of us can ill afford. My suggestion? Try leaving the pests a half watermelon instead. That will keep the flies — and some of the ants — busy down wind from you while you enjoy your picnic fare.

Elsewhere on the wacky web, another person suggested a bug-repellant tablecloth, but I doubt that is on Health Canada’s list of smart things to do. I haven’t tried the suggestion below, found at eHow as a way to keep flies away, but it does sound much healthier than setting your food on a tablecloth laced with bug repellant:

Step 1
Purchase some lemons and cloves

Step 2
Cut the lemons in fours (wedges)

Step 3
Put pieces of cloves inside the lemon (3 to 4 cloves per lemon wedge)

Step 4
Place the wedges at each corner of the table

From my own picnic adventures, I’ve learned it’s wise to keep bowls of salad or containers of chicken and other foods covered until someone needs another helping. And when drinking from cans, it’s best to use a straw unless you want to swallow a live yellow jacket! A table is better than a picnic blanket when trying to keep ants away.

Depending how elaborate your picnic is — for example, if you’re lucky enough to be at a private beach — you can light citronella torches and place them around your eating area. Or you can even have a bonfire.

But really, should a picnic be this complicated? I think I’d rather enjoy nature the way it was created — bugs and all. Even if that means sharing my picnic with an ant or two, or three, or ….

So relax, chill out. Follow Mrs. Beeton’s lead. You’ll be so drunk on ale, sherry, claret, champagne, wine and brandy that you won’t notice how much flying or crawling protein you just washed down with your booze! Pack three corkscrews and you’ll be ready for anything.